


Timing

by sonictrowel



Series: Long Night in the Blue House [69]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005), Doctor Who (Big Finish Audio)
Genre: Angst and Romance, F/M, and spoilers, that basically sums it up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-21
Updated: 2017-07-21
Packaged: 2018-12-04 14:41:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11557323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonictrowel/pseuds/sonictrowel
Summary: River knew all too well that the Doctor currently spread out beside her, soft brown curls hopelessly mussed and his dapper kit scattered all over her bedroom floor, possessed a level of manic energy to rival even her babyfaced husband.Meanwhile, she’d gotten very accustomed to calm domesticity with her darling Scot, to days upon days spent doing nothing but enjoying each other and eschewing the rest of the universe.  And after everything, with the heavy ache in her heart weighing her down, she had no desire to rejoin the universe just yet.





	Timing

**Author's Note:**

> I was trying so hard to save this chapter for tomorrow but clearly I have no self control. Well, we all know that by now...

[Luna, 5189]

River knew all too well that the Doctor currently spread out beside her, soft brown curls hopelessly mussed and his dapper kit scattered all over her bedroom floor, possessed a level of manic energy to rival even her babyfaced husband.  

Meanwhile, she’d gotten very accustomed to calm domesticity with her darling Scot, to days upon days spent doing nothing but enjoying each other and eschewing the rest of the universe.  And after everything, with the heavy ache in her heart weighing her down, she had no desire to rejoin the universe just yet.

In short, she’d expected him to be very bored, very quickly.  Not bored of her, necessarily, but the man didn’t know the meaning of relaxation.  He wasn’t suited for holidays.  He’d be bouncing off the walls in half a day, she was certain.  Then she’d have to kiss him goodbye, again, and seal all his memories of her away.  And then she would be really, truly alone.

It was two days ago when she’d first had that thought.  It would seem she underestimated his attention span, as she was still very much at the centre of it.  Presently, that meant his fingers curling in her hair (he was always obsessed with her hair, no matter the incarnation,) as he leaned over her, his eyes bright as they studied her face.

“I don’t think I’ve ever done this with you,” he said, smiling at her as if sharing some delightful secret.

River raised an eyebrow.

“No, I mean— stayed.  It’s always, ‘hurry up and save the universe,’ and when it’s done, if I even know it’s you, maybe we get one night together and then you’re just… gone.  From my TARDIS and my memory.”

“That’s how it has to be, sweetie.  How it ought to be.  I’m behaving very badly right now.”

“I bet I really love it when you do that,” he said, his voice dropping an octave as he leaned in closer.

“Oh, you do.”

She reached up to thread her fingers through his hair, pulling him down for a slow, sweet kiss.  

“River,” he whispered, lingering close, his lips brushing against her skin, “this is it, isn’t it?  It’s us, for the rest of our lives?”

A brilliant smile spread over her face.  “That’s the plan, darling.”

He laughed, soft and awed.  “I never really thought that would happen for me.  I never even knew I wanted it.”

She heard his unspoken "again."  But now wasn't the time for dwelling on their hurts.

“Oh, Doctor.  I can show you lots of things you didn’t know you wanted.”

He pulled back and narrowed his eyes scoldingly as he smiled down at her and her heart skipped a beat.  River was used to seeing old Doctors shining through the new ones, but… maybe it didn’t go only one way.  Though he lacked the memories and experiences of her husband, maybe everything he would ever become was already there, inside.

“I love you,” she said, the sudden swell of affection in her chest almost painful in its intensity.  “This is why this is a bad idea.  The longer I have you the more I want to keep you.”

“And will you keep me, River?  Do I get to keep _you?”_

She heard the real question and the worry in his voice.   _You’re home in your time, so where am I?_

“Someday,” she whispered.  “You promised.  And you never break a promise to me.”

The Doctor leaned down to kiss her again and she threw her arms around him, pulling him properly on top of her.  He moaned softly into her mouth as he lowered his warm weight over her, pressing her into the mattress.  River sighed in contentment and a shiver passed through her from head to toe as she wrapped her legs around his hips.

Being temporally responsible could wait.

___

By the morning of day four, she couldn’t shake the nagging feeling in the back of her mind: that she was putting off the inevitable, that she really shouldn’t be meddling in time for so long.  She looked longingly over the breakfast table at her wonderful, sweet Doctor.  He met her gaze and a warm smile spread across his lovely face.  

Letting him go was going to tear her heart open all over again.

“I was thinking,” he said, “I should probably pop out and see how the Old Girl’s doing in the back garden. She might be getting jealous.”

“Oh, she’d never be jealous of me.  We’re very close.”

His brows rose.  “Is that so?  Well, good, don’t have to worry about bringing you home for approval then.”  He grinned at her.

“You’re thinking you should go,” she said, quietly.

The Doctor sobered immediately.  “River, that is the last thing I want to do.”

“‘Want’ and ‘should’ are so often at odds with one another.  This was stolen time, Doctor.”

“Well, and so?  We’re Time Lords— or near enough to.  We can steal as much time as we like.”

“You’ll have to leave me someday.  We both have to get on with our own destinies, or else you’ll never have met me.”  And, probably, she’d never be born, at least not as she was.  Best not to open that Pandora’s box now, though.

“Surely there’s a lot of wriggle room between ‘someday’ and today.”

“The more time you spend with me, the more time you’ll have to forget.  You’ll wake up missing days or weeks from your memory, not having a clue what happened.”

“It’s nothing I haven’t done before.”

River let out a heavy breath.  “This isn’t exactly easy for me, honey.  You could _try_ meeting me halfway.”

He reached across the table and squeezed her hand.  “I’m sorry.  I just… it hasn’t been enough.  We’ve only just started.”

“It’s never, ever enough, my love.”

He rubbed his thumb over her fingers as he watched her.

“Maybe you’re right,” he finally mumbled.

“One thing you should know about me, Doctor: I’m always right.”

He broke into a fond smile.  “Noted.”

“But sometimes being right is no fun at all.”

“You could come with me.”

“Doctor...”

“In the TARDIS!  We could go anywhere and be right back here a minute later!  No, a minute before we left!”

“That hardly solves our little problem, and you know it.  It’s still more time passing for you that I’ll have to make sure you don’t remember.”

“But— there must be more for us to do!  I believe I was promised dancing lessons.”

“Another time, honey.  You didn’t know that was me.  You thought I was Rita Hayworth.”

“How did you manage that?” he laughed.

She still had no idea, actually.  “Let a girl have _some_ secrets, won’t you?”

He scoffed.  “Have you got anything else?”

She smiled in begrudging amusement but said nothing.

“Okay,” the Doctor sighed, relenting again.  “Will you at least come to the TARDIS to say goodbye?”

“I’ll come put you to bed and set her on autopilot.  Won’t do to erase your memories just to have you waking up in my garden again.”

“Am I perhaps lucky enough that ‘putting me to bed’ is a metaphor?”

River shook her head in fond exasperation, grinning.  “If you’re good.”

___

After breakfast, the Doctor convinced her that he ought to have a shower before he left.

It took very little convincing for her to join him.

With her back against the tile and his eager mouth on hers as the water cascaded over them, River wanted nothing more than to forget all of her responsibilities to time; to dare to imagine she could keep him, that they could be together from this moment on and everything would still somehow fall into place down the line.

So many impossible dreams.

“I won’t even be able to miss you, will I?” he murmured into her ear, his voice just audible over the shower.  “I think I really want to miss you, River.”

She hoped the water was disguising the tears she suddenly couldn’t hold back.  He always did say something like that, when he was young.

“Don’t worry,” she said thickly.  “I’ll miss you enough for us both.”

Her Doctor had promised her he’d said goodbye to her for the last time.  Unfortunately, time was the one place they’d never quite been on the same page.

___

River’s hair had dried a frizzy mess after they stumbled from the shower to her bed and subsequently got very distracted.  It was well worth it.

They finally dressed and walked to the TARDIS, hand in hand.  She smiled as she entered the control room.

“I quite like this one.  I mean, it’s a bit melodramatic, but I’m always partial to bookshelves round the sides.”

“Melodramatic?” the Doctor repeated, looking affronted.

“The blue light?  And the giant Seal of Rassilon?”

He was still looking at her like that.  Before he could launch into a defence of his interior decorating, River rolled her eyes, grabbed him by the lapels, and kissed the ridiculous look off of his wonderful face.  That seemed to work on any incarnation.

She was distracted from avidly snogging him against the console by an insistent _ding_ starting up from some instrument or another.

 _Hush, please, Mother,_ she thought. _We’re busy._

 _Ding,_ the TARDIS chimed again, and she swore there was a certain indignant quality to the sound.

She reluctantly drew back, taking a moment to appreciate the blissful look on his flushed face before leaning in once more to give him a last soft, chaste kiss.

“Alright,” she grumbled, turning to the console, “what do you wa—”  She froze, staring at the nearest monitor.

“River?” the Doctor murmured, sounding a little dreamy still.  “What is…” He fell silent.

Shit.

“River,” he finally squeaked, “is that… what I think it is?”

“I… I’m afraid so.”

The screen was all too familiar.  The TARDIS’s full-body scan for pregnancy.

Positive.

The Doctor was pale and wide-eyed: the proverbial rabbit in the headlights.

“Well,” River said, breaking the stunned silence that had settled over the control room.  “Better get you to bed and on your way, sweetie.”

“W-what?!  You can’t just, just, send me off like this is nothing!”  He was sort of laugh-talking in falsetto; he was definitely panicking.

“It _is_ nothing, to you.  You’re going to forget all about it in a moment.  This isn’t your responsibility yet, Doctor.”

“River, obviously it _is!”_ He stared at the monitor, looking more dazed and terrified by the moment.

“Sweetie.  I do not need you freaking out.  It was probably before I got here, not that there’s any practical difference, but… you're off the hook.  Okay?  We’ve got to get your memories sorted and get you back to your life.”

The Doctor’s bewildered gaze finally shifted back to her.  “Wha— _no!_  River, what are you going to do?”

“Well, looks like I’m going to have a baby.  It’s pretty straightforward.  No looms involved; I’ve checked.”

He gaped at her, his mouth working soundlessly.  “You know, you’re awfully calm about this,” he finally choked out.

She shrugged.  “The timing _is_ less than ideal.”

“The timing,” he repeated blankly.

Oh, great, he was short-circuiting.  River grabbed his hand and began dragging him away from the console.  “Come on, Doctor.  Time to say goodnight.”

That seemed to wake him up.  “River,” he said, his voice suddenly grave.  “Where am I?”

“I know you’ve had a shock, sweetie, but do please try and keep up,” she replied, ignoring his real question as she dragged him down the corridor.

“Answer me, please.  Where am I right now?  Why am I not with you?”

“This is not your problem, honey.”

“Well, I don’t see any other Doctors coming round to take it on!  If future me’s just up and, and, left you—”

“Don’t you dare,” River snapped, whirling around to face him.  “Don’t you even _think_ that about hi—” her breath caught in her throat.   _“...you.”_  She shut her eyes and slowly exhaled.

“So where am I, River?” the Doctor asked again, gently, resting his hands on her shoulders.  “What’s happened to me?”

“Nothing happened, honey.  Time calls the shots.  Neither of us can avoid going where the other knows we’ve already been.”

“And time says we’re apart now.  Or, you and the future me are.”

“Yes.”

“For how long?”

“I don’t know,” she answered quietly, staring at the floor.

“River, I can’t leave you all on your own.”

“You think I can’t handle this on my own?” she demanded, squaring her jaw.  “I’m a big girl, Doctor, and I know what I’m doing.  Now come _on.”_  She grabbed his hand again, tugging him resolutely after her in the direction of their bedroom.

He looked around, bewildered again as she pushed him through the door.  “What… what’s happened in here?  Is all this stuff yours?”

“I’m her favourite.  Don’t take it personally.”  River gave his shoulder an unceremonious shove as he turned to look at her and he dropped back onto the bed.

“Do I get the feeling you’re used to bossing me about in here?” he asked under his breath.

Her lips twitched into the tiniest smile.  “And vice-versa.  Now hush.  I need to focus.”

She reached out to place her hands on either side of his head but he batted them away, scooting back on the bed and out of her reach.

“River, stop it!”

“Then what do you want me to _do_ , Doctor?  You can’t remember this.  We thought she… we thought she was later.  You _can’t_ remember this!”

“She?” he repeated breathlessly.

“We thought she was born _after_ and that meant it would all be okay!  And now… who knows?”  She squeezed her eyes shut but the tears were already falling.

“River, I don’t know what you’re…”

She heard the mattress creak as the Doctor crawled back across the bed, before he pulled her down into his arms.  He just held her for a minute or two, his face pressed into her neck while she took deep breaths and tried to calm her racing heart.

“So, tell me if I'm wrong, dear," he said finally.  "Seems like it's not so much that this is unexpected, as that instead of sharing the happy news with your husband, you've got some idiot who goes by his name but can never even remember who you are."

River burst out laughing through her tears.  "Something like that."  She smiled fondly at him and raised her hand to his cheek.  "But you  _are_ him.  You're just so young," she sighed.  “Too young.  I know you just want to run away.”

“That… _is_ a habit of mine, true enough.  But not when it means abandoning someone I love.  That's you, by the way."

Oh, god, why did he have to make this harder by being so damn wonderful?  She pressed closer to him and kissed the corner of his mouth, basking in the comfort of his nearness while she could.

“As long as I forget it in the end, it’s fine, right?”

“Doctor...” she sighed, too tired to protest again.

“River, who sent me that invitation?  Who made sure I would be in your flat when you got home?  It could only have been me or my TARDIS.”

“Or me.”

“Don’t you think, then, that maybe this is what we’re meant to be doing?  Because unless there’s been some disruption in the timelines— and it doesn’t feel that way to me— I’m meant to be here right now.  And there is _no_ reality where I get this news and then just go.”

“But if you stay— you want me to erase all that?  Your memories of, of our child?”

He was valiantly trying to disguise his panic, but she felt his hearts beating erratically.

“Well… you won’t be erasing them, only storing them away for safe keeping, right?  The alternative is what, that I just abandon you to do it all alone?  And then I’d never have those memories.  You know our future, River, and I know enough.  Do you really think that’s what I’d want?  What… he’d want?”

“No,” she said softly.  Never. _He’d_ have her erase centuries from his mind if it was the only way to be with them.  The only thing that could possibly compel him to leave was if their existence depended on it.  Even then, she’d had a hard time silencing that voice in the back of her mind that said he’d still somehow find a way round it at the last second.

...which... was exactly what he was doing.  

Oh.

It was becoming clear who the invitation was from.

“Say I agree with you," she said slowly.  "You’ll be here in my flat for what, months?  _Years?_  Putting together nursery furniture and doing the shopping and, and changing nappies?  I know you, sweetie, and someday you’ll be thrilled with that, when we’re both ready.  But not yet.”

“Or,” he said, gently lifting her chin in his hand.

“Or?” she repeated suspiciously.

“We can still do all that, but you come with me.  We can see the universe together, River.”  

Oh, that starry-eyed look he was giving her.  She knew it all too well.  She shook her head slowly, a reluctant smile pulling at her lips.

“You know, in all this time… we’ve never properly done that.  Not for long.  I might see you every night, anywhere in time and space, but we never really travelled _together_ full-time.”

“Well, there you have it.  No time like the present, or… whenever this is.”  He laced his fingers through hers.  “You and me, dear.  Next stop everywhere.”

“Not _just_ you and me, honey,” she reminded him gently.

“Right.”  He smiled nervously.  “And… her?  River, how do you know that?”

“Spoilers,” she responded instantly.

He huffed.

“But what about when she’s born?  When she’s too little for… papoosing round the cosmos?”

“We’ll come back here,” he said blithely.  "Or we'll go to Baker Street.  Or we’ll switch off between the two when we get bored.”

“Doctor, you don’t have to do this.  It's too much, too soon.”

“You said yourself you know I’m going to be happy about it.  And future me, he married you.  So he must know what he’s doing.”

“Well, now, I don’t know if I’d go _that_ far.”

The Doctor smiled.

“For however long we’re together, Doctor, whatever happens, all of it will be gone.  Until who knows when.  All that time, just a blank in your mind.”

“I’ve spent decades doing boring rubbish that’s just cluttering up my memory now.  However long it is, it’s not about numbers.  I look at what’s in front of me.  And you must think I’m mad if you think I’d just leave you to do this on your own.”

“Aren’t you?” she asked, stifling an amused smile.

“Well, that’s entirely beside the point.”

River turned her head to kiss him, sliding her free hand into his hair while his arm tightened around her waist.

“Are we really doing this?” she whispered.

They were actually going stay together before they were even supposed to have met.  Either it was what had to happen, just another mad piece of the puzzle of their timey-wimey lives, or they were being incredibly stupid.

Could be both.

“I’m having a hard time imagining anything that would be able to stop me,” the Doctor replied.

River thought of her husband, with his stern face and soft hearts, finding out about Milly and rushing to send himself to be with her.  She trusted him.  

And then she looked into those same blue eyes on this young Doctor, clearly terrified but promising to jump right into the deep end with her, and she trusted him too.  All the changes that over a thousand years of living would bring seemed insignificant at that moment.  He was just the person she loved and had made an unconventional but wonderful life with.  And this was just another ridiculous part.

A slow grin spread across her face as she wrapped her arms around him.

“Are you happy, River?  Is this what you want?”

“What, to have another baby with you and spend more time together?  God, yes.  Of course it is, honey.”

“Good.  It’s settled then.”

The Doctor abruptly fell onto his back on the bed, pulling her with him, and River curled into his chest, suddenly exhausted.  He rubbed his hand slowly up and down her spine and she let her eyes drift shut.  The rapidly-pounding tattoo of his racing hearts thundered in her ear.

“River,” he said suddenly, his voice tense, “did you say _another?”_

 


End file.
